How Star Wars The Force Awakens Should Have Ended/Transcript
(The scene begins with a parody of the 20th Century Fox intro with the Lucusfilm logo being replaced with The HISHE logo and Fox's logo also replaced while a person (Presumably Danial) Sings the intro but then the logo falls apart.) Singer: DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA... Oh were not doing that anymore,sorry. SHH! It's starting. (HISHE Intro plays followed by the Star Wars titles playing then cuts to a room with Kylo Ren talking to Darth Vader's burnt helmet.) Kylo Ren: Show me the Dark Side and i will finish what you started... Grandfather. (Anakin's force ghost appears) Anakin: (Gasps) I HAVE A GRANDSON TOO?! YODA! OBI-WAN! GUESS WHAT?! I'M A GRANDPA! (Camera pans over to Obi-Wan and Yoda's force ghosts) Obi-Wan: Oh my gosh. This is never going to end! Yoda: (Groans) Anakin: (Off screen) THIS IS AMAZING! (Scene cuts to The Battle of Takodona where FN-2199 confronts Finn at Maz's castle.) FN-2199: Traitor! (Finn grasps the Lightsaber tightly. FN-2199 realizes that Finn is not force sensitive, looks at his blaster and gets an Idea.) FN-2199: Huh? Ha ha! (FN-2199 shoots Finn in the chest causing him to drop to the ground dead) FN-2199: Yeah! MUHAHAHAHA! ARRGGHH! (Gets shot by Chewbacca's bowcaster and dies. Scene cuts to the D'Qar base with C3-PO and BB-8 examining an inactive R2-D2.) BB-8: (Droid Speak) C3-PO: What do you mean try turning him off and on again? I'm sure they have tried everything to revive him! (BB-8 rolls up to R2 and uses his claw to turn on R2's ON Button) R2-D2: (Screams) C3-PO: Oh! Thank the Maker! R2 we thought you were done for! (R2-D2 sounds and drives off) C3-PO: A dramatic entrance! We don't have time for that! We are trying to find Master Luke! (Leaves and BB-8 follows. Scene cuts to Kylo Ren talking to Supreme Leader Snoke/Gollum on StarKiller Base about Rey's force ability.) Kylo Ren: She is strong with the force! Untrained, but stronger than she knows! Snoke/Gollum: Bring me the precious! Kylo Ren: Yes Supreme Leader. (Leaves but then returns) You are talking about the girl right? Snoke/Gollum: PRECIOUS!!! (Scene cuts to Rey using a Jedi Mind trick to JB-007 in a holding cell room.) Rey: You will remove these restraints and leave with the cell door open. JB-007: I will remove these restraints and leave with the cell door open. (Releases Rey from her Restraints and Walks away) Rey: And you will escort me to a ship in which i can escape in? JB-007: And i will escort you to a ship in which you can escape in. Rey: (Gasps) (The scene then shows Rey flying away from StarKiller Base in a Tie-Fighter) Rey: WHAHOHOHOOO!! (Scene cuts to the Resistance base on D'Qar with the Rebels analyzing the super weapons) Rebel General: This was the Death Star, this was the 2nd one and this is StarKiller Base. (Groups of People mutter) Admiral Ackbar: It's a trap! Leia: (Frustrated sigh) Can be just call it Death Star 3? It's the same exact thing but bigger. I mean seriously! Now, how do we take down the shields? Finn: I can disable the shields but I have to Be on the Planet. Han Solo: Wei'll get you there. Leia: How? Han Solo: If i told you, you wouldn't like it. (Scene shows The Millennium Falcon travelling through a light speed tunnel. Then cuts to the main control room with Han, Finn and Chewbacca inside.) Han Solo: The shields have a fractional refresh rate. Keeps anything traveling from light speed from getting through. Finn: We're gonna make our landing approach at light speed?! Chewbacca: (Growls) Finn: How?! If we pass through the shields AT the speed of light, how can you even have time to drop out of light speed before crashing into the... Han Solo: And...NOW! (The Millennium Falcon exits light speed too late and crashes head first onto StarKiller Base's surface. On D'Qar C3-PO, Admiral Ackbar, Leia and a resistance officer watch a holographic projection of StarKiller base with a message saying They died written on it.) C3-PO: Oh my! Leia: Well so much for that idea. (Scene fast forwards to Finn on StarKiller base threatening Captain Phasma with a blaster.) Finn: Shut the shields down or I'll, blow that bucket off your head! Captain Phasma: Oh, did you say shut DOWN the shields? I thought you said Alert everyone to your presence! (Presses button on a console causing an alarm to start ringing and text saying Intruder detected then cuts to Han and Chewbacca in a room.) Han Solo: Chewie... We're screwed. Chewbacca: (Growls) (Scene fast forwards to Kylo Ren and Rey dueling in the forest on StarKiller base) Kylo Ren: You need a teacher! I can show you the...FORCE FAINT! (Rey Faints) Kylo Ren:(Continued) Ha, Ha! Oh in your face! You fell for it again! I win! (To the tune of the Imperial march) NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA! (Picks up Rey's Body and leaves When a text comes up saying But this is how it really should have ended, Then cuts to Han and kylo on the bridge.) Kylo Ren: I know what i have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me? Han Solo: Anything. (Han grips Kylo's Lightsaber and hesitates for a few brief seconds but then Luke Skywalker comes up from behind and Rams his lightsaber through Ren's chest.) Luke: SURPRISE! Han Solo: BEN! Kylo Ren: OOOOOHHH! (To Luke) Weak! uuurghhh! (Falls backwards into the reactor chasm.) Han Solo: NNNOOOOOOO!!!!! Why?! WHY?! Where did you come from Luke?! (Luke deactivates his Lightsaber.) Luke: Got bored on my island. Why didn't you shoot first man?! Han Solo:(Angrily) He was my boy! Luke: He was going to kill you! Han Solo: (Angrily) How do you know that?! Luke: I always sense when you guys are in danger, it's kinda my thing! Han Solo:(Sighs) Leia's gonna be pissed! (End credits then cuts, to Rey and Luke on Ach-To with Rey offering Luke his father's old lightsaber. Luke removes his hood and stares blankly at Rey for a few minutes then breaks the silence.) Luke: Wow, you're hot! Rey:(Angrily) What?! Gross! We could be RELATED! (Luke thinks about this.) Luke: Never bothered me before. Rey: Ok then bye! (Throws away the lightsaber and leaves.) Category:Transcripts